My will, my wants, my...wait! what the hell is going on?!!?

   So I'm sitting here thinking about how far from where I wanna be in my life I am. Oh yes, I've daydreamed about having a architectural digest house overlooking Puget sound. I'd have my own 4 seater Seesna airplane, an 80' yacht, and a big bountiful garden where I would entertain my gorgeous charismatic friends with our many stamped passports. We would muse about all the successful gallery shows I've sold my work in while listening to one of my many albums that I wrote produced and played all the instruments while eating cucumber sandwiches from my garden. Of course I would be wearing a most fetching frock from my latest collection that I designed and discuss the material for my one-man stand up show coming up....Oh what! That's next week! Great scott! How the time flies!  I'm doing the book signing for my wildly successful children's book which I wrote and illustrated that day. Heavens! That simply won't do. No sir! Better push the one-man show till August. Yes.
    But the reality is; that here I am, completely worn out from my minimum wage job working amongst a bunch of teenagers, eating top ramen off a reused paper plate, watching anime and daydreaming of an apartment without mold. How did this happen you ask? Alcoholism. Being an alcoholic gave me the unrealistic expectations and the decline to poverty simultaneously. What has changed is my perspective.
   Today is the fourth of July and I tell you what. Last year on this day, I was bumming change from people on 6th Avenue for a can of tuna fish so my cats and I could eat. But even though I have only leveled up slightly..... I am happy, joyous and free. Why? I am sober today and everyday since February 11th this year. And even though it may seem like I haven't progressed financially, I feel rich. Rich beyond measure, and full of hope. Hope that one day I just may enjoy a few things I listed above. But whatever my higher power has in store for me, I say "bring it on" with a contented and full heart. I am ready for growth, and strive to be helpful to others.
   But seriously, I still do fantasize of having a yacht and some beautiful friends to enjoy it with someday. There are just some dreams I won't let go of. But until that day, I will continue to trudge the road to happy destiny and appreciate all that sobriety has given me. So while I may only travel by looking at the magazines at Safeway one day I'll get to say, all aboard!